Don’t worry, there are no chocolate strawberries or flower petals on the bed advice in this article. There are also no fifty shades type advice in here either (sort of).
This isn’t your typical article about how to sex things up – because you get enough of those from Cosmo and Men’s Health already. Here, we are gonna get real about sex. So before getting to HOW to spice things up, ask yourself this first:
Why do you want to spice things up?
Besides the obvious answer – because sex is awesome and feels amazing – take a second look. Is it because you want excitement that you haven’t felt in a while? Is it because you have been so busy lately and you feel the urge to reconnect with yourself or your partner? Is it because you’ve been in a sexual lull lately and you want to jumpstart that spark again? Or is it because you know that consistently spicing things up is how you keep that spark alive and bright?
The more honest and aware you are with your “why” for spice, the more intense your experience can be later on, especially if you communicate it with your partner. This stock check will help fulfill the actual need that lies beneath your desired sexual experience.
And now, drum roll…
Spice #1: Do it like a virgin
No, we’re not talking about re-enacting all that awkwardness of your first time. We’re talking about getting reacquainted with yourself / your partner – imagine it is the first time you are seeing each other naked, first touch, first taste, first smell. Bring back a sense of discovery. It might feel silly at first, but stick with it.
Here is what it might look like
Find a private space where you will be undisturbed.
Lover A: sit or lie down, and spread your legs. Let him/her LOOK. Let your partner take his/her time looking and touching. Your job is to sit back and LET your partner explore and discover. It might feel uncomfortable or silly or vulnerable. Trust the experience and learn to let go. Enjoy the experience of being admired, being explored. Remember to breath.
Lover B: You really gotta take your time here. Resist the urge to jump your partner. The more you can build up the intensity, the more the ka-POW it will be later. Start with the inner thighs, towards the crease just below the hip bone and make your way to the centre. You can explore with different senses – touch / pressure, taste, smell, sight… the key is to re-discover. Notice how it starts to swell with your touch. Notice your partner’s pace of breath…
You both might giggle at some points, feel awkward at other points, but try it out. You will discover something beautiful and the vulnerability and appreciation will turn into the spice you are looking for. So when can you move on? When you can’t take it any more! If you can’t decide who goes first – person with the longer hair is Lover A. For round 2, switch spots ;)
Spice #2. Take it outside
You know how sometimes doing something naughty turns you on? The thought of getting caught makes your heart race a little faster? Taking bedplay outside the bedroom can be a huge turn on if you are both game to do it. And there are ways you can do it without actually getting caught…
Option for the Shy ones
Go on a dinner date and leave your underwear at home. Let your partner know. Just removing that one piece of clothing will be a naughty secret in both of your minds through the first, second, third course… let’s see if you can make it through dessert.
Option for the Adventurous
What if I told you that your partner could bring you to the brink of an orgasm without touching you, while you’re on your dinner date? Before you head out, just put this baby in and hand your partner the remote control. Now let the fun begin…
Of course, you can always literally bring the sex outside – just do so with caution!
AND don’t forget, at the end of the day – have FUN. Remember why you wanted to spice things up in the first place and enjoy the journey. Have a great weekend!
Contributor: Erin Chen
Erin Chen is the founder and chief maven of Lila Sutra, a female and couple-friendly sexual wellness company leading the disruption of sexual taboos in Singapore and providing a fresh space for dialogue around healthy, happy and sexy living for adults. It combines sexual wellness knowledge, a well-curated collection of products and a sense of community to help women, men and couples (re)ignite connection and love. Her dream is for her future children to grow up in a world where sex, intimacy, pleasure and orgasms are accessible and topics of joy. Connect with her on LinkedIn, Facebook or Instagram